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It's not me, It's YOU: How to overcome a break-up, and feel like a new person

Travelers Today       By    Derek Schroeder

Updated: Feb 19, 2014 11:48 AM EST

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We've all been there. Whatever the line, whatever the reaon. Getting dumped and flip your universe on it's side faster and a handful of Xanax and cheap booze. And just like substance abuse it can often feel like you're going to puke and cry at the same time. Fret not, that's nothing more than weakness leaving the body. Want to get on the fast track to a new, better and dare I say, more enlightened you. Let's take a journey to Positivity Town.

Step 1: The Tao of Now
The shitty thing about the past is that it's over and no amount of mental acrobrats can change what's happened. For every negative thought, there is an equal and more powerful positive one. For example, "She left and now I'm completely alone in this world." Bummer dude, but think about it in a different light. "Now that I'm alone, I can focus on loving myself first and foremost."

Everyone wants to feel connected, but we all quest for diversity at the same time. We all love living with someone but isnt' it nice to take a shit in peace and quiet everyonce in awhile. That's one big metaphor for being single- it's like finally being able to take a really good dump whenever the hell you want to.

Being dumped gives you the power to live in the present moment. Do you know how often most people do this? Almost never. Day to day our mind is riddled with to do lists, worries about the future and refelctions of the past. When we're on the shitter is really the only time we clear our minds, and give ourselves the attention we need

Do this: Stop what you're doing right now. Close your eyes, think about nothing and take 5 deep breaths. What did you think about? Nothing? Or were you thinking about thinking about nothing? It doesn't matter. That space you created is yours and yours alone. Enjoy it

Step 2: Stop Thinking, Start Listening
We all want to come to grips with loss. Why did she leave? How could she love another man?  This will take you nowhere but two steps backward. Sure, allow yourself time to grieve, it's a natural and healthy process. But don't for a second think it will afford you any clarity. Don't assume there is a shred of logic behind the ebb and flow of love-- if there was, the species would probably cease to exist.

Don't wallow in self pity and hatred. Hatred isn't an emotion, it's a choice. It's nothing more than a reflection of the injustice you felt has been done upon you. All things in this earth occur in cycles, beautfiful patterns that are glorious and beyond our comprehension. When a flower dies, a gardener will turn it over in the soil, giving its nutrients back to the earth so that a healthier, stronger flower may bloom.

Avoid being alone with your thoughts. Externalize everything. Talk to your friends, to strangers. Converse with the walls. Scream at the clouds. You need to blow off exhaust, so do it and damn your reputation. But most importantly, listen. Listen to what your friends have to say, for it may heal you. Silence your mind and hear the songs the birds sing. Gather the wisdom of the universe around you and you will never feel alone again. Take a hike and befriend a tree. Don't go to bars, or sit in a movie theatre by yourself. Four walls do nothing but cloud your ability to interact and listen to what truly matters-- your own radiant energy.

Step 3: Divert Your Energy
This is the most powerful healing force. Think about how much time you spent with that other person. It's probably more than a full time job. Time is the most powerful resource you can have at your disposal. Instead of slogging through Netflix marathons, pick up the activities you have always wanted to do. Stop watching other people live their lives and get out there and live your own.

Do yoga -- meditation for the mind, body and soul (and a great place to meet groovy hippie chicks). Read some god damn books. Plant a garden. Workout. Join a swingers club. Whatever suits your fancy. Diverting that energy you put in to loving someone else inward, is truly the only way to fill the void you feel in your soul. No one will do it for you. Drugs won't do it for you (Dope won't help you cope), although the right ones might make it fun along the way.

Healing is a powerful, enriching process that can tap you into a version of yourself you may have never seen before. It will strengthen your identity, empower your perception of self, and bring you inner peace.

See Now: The U.S. had the highest number of Most Wanted properties, dominating the Hotels.com Loved By Guests Awards 2018

Tags
health, wellness, self help, breakup, how to
© 2023 Traverlers Today, All rights reserved. Do not reproduce without permission.
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